Transforming modern revolution in human science into guidelines for effective parenting

Albert Mrgole

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Albert Mrgole
Vezal Institute Kamnik, Slovenia

How to Cite

Mrgole, A. (2019). Transforming modern revolution in human science into guidelines for effective parenting. Psychotherapy in Achieving Health and Well-Being for Children and Young People, 1(1), 29-41. Retrieved from https://journal.bhidapa.ba/index.php/bhidapa/article/view/3

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Transforming modern revolution in human science into guidelines for effective parenting

(Innovative ways of influencing, and connecting with, teenagers)

Albert Mrgole

Vol 1 No 1 (2018)

Submitted: Feb 27, 2019

Published: Feb 27, 2019

Abstract

Since a revolutionary shift in the sciences of human behavior from the focus on cognition and intellectual functioning to understanding emotional functioning, both from intrapersonal as well as from interpersonal perspective, that influence is also reflected in psychotherapeutic work with children and adolescents. Following that approaches, we have developed a way to shift perspective from child/adolescence – cognitive and behavior – symptom-focused to systemic and emotionally-focused impacts of relationships. In that perspective, work with parental influence on child and adolescence development is seen in a new framework. As we put parental influence in the central perspective, the main dilemma in our work was how to effectively bring all new scientific knowledge into the context of domestic everyday life. One part of our answer is in shifting the style of narrative from scientific and professional language to pragmatic discourse. The second part is related to focusing on the preventive influence of parental emotional responsiveness in the period of development when the most significant behavior changes are recognized, the beginning of teenage years.

We prepared our contribution through a decade of educational work and training of skills with parents, which we summarized in our book Connect with Your Teenager: A Guide to Everyday Parenting. In that perspective, we developed a unique style of presenting the messages through stories in typical everyday situations, where parents can identify with, and recognize, the most influential moments.

The book works as a self-help and self-reflective guide with some therapeutic inputs, as well as a pragmatical and supportive tool. As only an emotional self-experience creates a permanent change, we designed the content so that parents can come in touch with their own transgenerational parental patterns and become aware of it, and consequently, they can manage it differently. On another level, they receive help to regulate their spontaneous emotional responses, in which parents lose the attachment influence through connection and bonding. As a very effective way of demonstrating what is going on in the behavioral and cognitive part, we identified typical repetitive cycles and named them parental dances with underlying important emotional dynamics. Through live stories, we demonstrated pragmatical responses, in which parents can grasp key moments with their children to keep and repair safe connection and influence.

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Odkar se je na področju znanosti o človekovem vedenju zgodil revolucionalrni premik od kognitivnega in intelektualnega k razumevanju čustvenega delovanja, tako v notranjeosebnem kot v med-osebnem, se ta vpliv odraža tudi v psihoterapevtskem delu z otroki in adolescenti. V sledenju novih pristopov, sva razvila način za premik perspective od fokusa na simptome otrok/ adolescentov k sistemskim in čustveno usmerjenim vplivom medsebojnih odnosov. V tej perspektivi je videti delo z vplivom staršev na razvoj otrok in adolescentov v novih okvirjih. Ko sva postavila starševski vpliv v središče, je bila glavna dilema najinega dela, kako učinkovito prenesti vsa znanstvena spoznanja v kontekst vsakdanjega domačega
življenja. En del najinega odgovora je v premiku narativnega stila od znanstvenega in strokovnega k pragmatičnemu diskurzu. Drugi del pa je povezan z osredotočenostjo na preventivni vpliv čustvene odzivnosti staršev v razvojnem obdobju, ko opazimo največ vedenjskih sprememb, na začetku najstništva.

Svoj prispevek sva ustvarila skozi desetletje v edukativnem delu in usposabljanju veščin pri starših, kar sva povzela v svoji knjigi Connect with your teenager: A Guide to Everyday Parenting. Na ta način sva razvila edinstven način predstavitve sporočil prek zgodb iz tipičnih vsakdanjih situacij, s katerimi se starši lahko identificirajo in v njih prepoznajo najbolj vplivne momente.

Knjiga učinkuje hkrati kot vodnik za samopomoč z nekaterimi terapevtskimi vložki in kot praktično in podporno orodje. Ker samo čustvena izkušnja na sebi ustvarja spremembo na daljši čas, sva ustvarila vsebino na način, da lahko starši pridejo v stik s svojimi lastnimi transgeneracijskimi vzorci in se jih zavedajo, posledično pa jih lahko spremenijo. Na drugi ravni pa jim pomagava, da lahko uravnavajo spontane čustvene odzive, v katerih starši izgubljajo vpliv navezanosti prek stika in povezanosti. Kot zelo učinkovit način, da staršem predstaviva, kaj se dogaja na kognitivni in vedenjski strani, sva orisala ponavljajoče se zaplete, ki sva jih poimenovala vzgojni (starševski) plesi, v katerih pod površino poteka pomembna čustvena dinamika. Prek življenjskih zgodb sva pokazala praktične odzive, v katerih starši lahko ujamejo ključne trenutke v odnosu z otroki, da ohranijo in popravijo varno povezanost in svoj vpliv.

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Transforming modern revolution in human science into guidelines for effective parenting

(Innovative ways of influencing, and connecting with, teenagers)

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